Johnno Wins As A Sexual Athlete

Dear Davo, Wazza & Stink,
          1960 rocks man! The chicks have all just discovered the pill and are all hot to trot. Aids hasn't happened yet and the blokes here are already shagged out so since you guys sent me the viagra they think I'm some kind of God or something. They don't even care that I have a face like a horse's arse and fart like jumbo jet taking off every few minutes (lol)!
 Thanks for sending the fishbowl hats, the three-d glasses, and the crazy outfits. The girls all think the future is totally zany and funky and they believe all my bullshit about flying cars and holidays on mars.
Stink, I know it was your genius that turned your old refrigerator into a time machine but I was the only one with the guts to actually try it so suck eggs dude. I don't want any of you here until that nasty rash you all caught from that foreign chick clears up anyway though I could use reinforcements . I'm sending this through the portal so you'll find it in your fridge next time you go for a beer.
Your mate
Johnno
p.s. if you see Shirly and she's freaking out don't worry because I'll come back before I actually left when I start to miss the internet.

Life

‎"How do you think I feel Mars?" Said Venus. "You're off playing soldiers while I'm at home with them 24/7. I can't even take them shopping. Last time in Woolworths they wrecked the place and it cost a small fortune. How am I supposed to explain why my boys have all got furry legs, hooves and horns?" 
Harold was beginning to get the message. On todays picnic, sex just wasn't going to happen.