Bits They left Out Of The Bible. The Gospel Of Gerald Volume 3

Later that day word came through that Zacchaeus had found the frisbee so Jesus rushed back to where the party had been the previous day.
"It's too high up."said Zacchaeus, a tremor in his voice clearly audible as he spoke."I really can't reach it."
"Bummer."replied Jesus, "Peter is so upset with me I really need to get it back for him."
"Can't you just levitate? You are the son of God."
"Dunno!"Said Jesus."I can do all kinds of cool shit so why not?"

"Help!" Cried  Jesus. "I'm scared of heights!"
"Stay up there a minute." replied Zacchaeus, "I know just what to do!"

Bits They Left Out Of The Bible- Jesus Tries To Invent The Birthday Cake

And suddenly, with a mighty roar, the heavens were rent asunder and the good Saint John did but tremble beneath the firmament. The Lord Jesus appeared resplendent, to shew unto his servant things which must shortly come to pass.
And verily doth he say,"Blessed be he that eateth of this birthday cake, (please write this down. This is really cool. Just because I'm dead it doesn't mean I can't say cool stuff.) For the time is at hand when all men shall have their cake and eat it too. For verily doth I say, 'may all men get a cake with candles to celebrate the day of their birth from this day forth!'"
Sadly, John was struck agast and wrote some other rubbish, leaving mankind to suffer the nonsense of his scribbling for two thousand years...