North Africa 1944

One thing the boys looked forward to was "camel toe" inspection. 

Care Instructions For Your Genuine African Elephant.

Thank you for purchasing you genuine African elephant. Your  elephant is a delightful creature and a wonderful companion for even the most boisterous of families! Not only will your elephant provide a year round supply of nutritious manure that roses love, but it is in possession of a memory that puts us poor humans to shame. Never forget your wife's  birthday or family anniversaries again and all for tiny cost of several tons per week of garden clippings that were headed for land fill anyway! In terms of care instructions there are two things you must always remember.

1/  Always keep your genuine African elephant in the living room where no one will ever see it. 

 

2/  Your genuine African elephant is meant to be wrinkly. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES iron your elephant. The elephant pictured escaped through a faulty living room door seal. How were the men who found him meant to know he was some poor families' beloved pet? Sadly, they cut him up to make 998 pairs of moccasins, put on fake war paint to impersonate native americans, and sold them to unsuspecting tourists on the local reservation. Elephant moccasins are now all the rage and the very survival of the species is threatened, all because of a few wrinkles!

Once Upon A Time In Deepest Darkest Africa

Dr Archbold Lewis was a famous nineteenth century anthropologist from St Louis who made his name with his landmark dissertation titled  "The Great Swahili Zebra Races. A Ritual Central To A Young Warrior's Rise To Manhood".  He made a small fortune on  the US lecture circuit with his tales of daring do on the dark continent and his claim that the primary mode of transport for the inhabitants was the domesticated zebra. In reality though, he had never been abroad and his stories had originated from a young Slave girl he'd had a crush on during a holiday in the deep south in 1835. Here we see Lewis on his one and only trip to Africa at the age of 65, attempting to get photographic evidence to bolster his standing within the academic community.