More Saucy Jane Austen Out Takes.

For a "man of the cloth" Mr Elton's mind was a total sewer! Often, on a sunday during the torturous endurance test of the Archbishop's sermons, he would picture himself, naked and clutching desperately to the naked and writhing body of none other than the heroine of our tale, the, ever wondrous and forever pure, Miss Emma Woodhouse, her naked body effectively protecting him from, the desperate cries of some dozen naked virgins, all screaming to be entered by the vicar's engorged tumescence. The vision was a disturbing at best, doublingly so as God must be watching and would doubtless make Elton pay on the day of judgement when all must come clean. To carelessly come even slightly during the archbishop's diatribe on the sermon on the mount  was in no way appropriate and was to be resisted at any cost! Oh the perils of  house keeping a pure mind! The more he struggled to keep it clean the more the images imposed themselves.

An Afternoon With Jane Austen's Editor.

"How is Miss Austen's latest novel going Mr Smithers?" asked Miss Sullivan with a wry smile. "Shall you allow me to read it ? Is it simply spiffing?"
"Rather!" replied Smithers , his organ adjusting itself in his breeches like a restless marsupial. "Though rather too saucy for our readership I fear. Do you know? I was reading it upon retirement last evening and I had to get the maid to change the sheets this morning. I'm really not sure the croquet club are all together prepared for nocturnal emissions."
"Don't worry." said Miss Sullivan coquettishly, "We'll get Nanny to write it like she did all the others. Make sure you give me the real copy though. We'll sell it to the adult channel on Foxtel."

Jane Austen Out Takes 2 (Kate Warren's version)

 Jane's editor insisted she cut this bit too
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Jane Austen Out Takes

Jane's editor decided to cut this bit.