Oscar And The Screen Door By Gratuitous Violet

After the first time Oscar jumped through the screen

door, Helga knew he would continue to be a problem.

Little did she know he would lick at his stitches until he

required the dreaded cone of humiliation. Gag ball not

included.

http://gratuitousviolet.blogspot.com/

Fans of Newt Gingrich

"It's cup a soup ladies. Do you like it? It's

"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,

Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,

Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing,--

For a charm of powerful trouble,


Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."


flavor. They're selling it to raise funds for Newt Gingrich. I met him at a swinger's party once. Such a lovely man. I sure caught his eye though I didn't make soup out of it. As I remember, I  inserted a carrot."

Early Feminists

"Now ladies. it's important as women that we reclaim our bodies which have forever been the property of the evil patriarchy. You'll find a small mirror on the table in front of you. Open your legs girls! We'll go down together! We'll sort out which witch is witch!"

Flip's Really Excellent Version.

"I am so tired of Fran serving cat with every tea. How about

some cucumber sandwiches or petit four?"

http://hillblocksview.blogspot.com/2012/01/perhaps-i-shouldnt-self-medicate-out-of.html 

Gossip

"...and .... would you believe it Ethyl?.... She makes poor Godfrey sleep in the wet patch!" 

This Didn't Happen

"The damned choir boy seduced me!" said Cardinal O'Hara desperately when Mother Superior entered without knocking. "God help us Mable! Do you really think a respected man of the cloth would debase himself in such a demeaning manner willingly? The boy has the devil in him. Get a grip Mable. You're dismissed. This never happened." 
"Woof, woof!" Said Mother Superior, leaving the room with a wry smile.

Cheryl Of Ancient Rome

Gerald was quite ok with it when Cheryl invited him to have a three way, but when she invited the entire legion that was another thing entirely! 

Cats Get 'Organized'.

"Right! We've had a stop work meeting and we've all decided we hate canned food. Now,  the crazy cat lady here has offered us fresh steak every day so we want fresh steak and a fluffy mouse toy each or we're off."