Does God Have A Sense Of Humor?

"Please God," Barbara had prayed after giving birth to yet another daughter, "The  bisexuality you endowed me with has been an endless source of pleasure and variety for me. Please, please, please, may my next child be a bi son?" Clearly God was a sucker for the humble pun.

Humor from Saint Augustine

"I've just flown in from L.A.," Said Saint Augustine, "and boy, are my arms tired!" 
"L.A?" said Rastas
"Where?" asked Cirus of a nearby dying man.
Clearly, when it came to humor, the good saint was ahead of his time.

Our Commander Makes The New Girls Feel Welcome

"At ease Ladies," Said Commander Hamilton with a degree of panache," You're all welcome to come round to my quarters after dinner for a tipple....... If you've got nothing on that is... "

Returning Home after A Long Absence Brings Back Painful Memories.

"I'm not looking forward to going back there. My ex is still there and she told everyone I gave her herpes..... oh crap! Did  I tell you about that? When we get there you should get yourself checked. Sorry if I forgot to mention it."

Unwanted Christmas Gifts

Don't you just hate unwanted gifts at christmas time?  One year my Mother sent me roofing thatch that she got on sale. What on Earth did she send me that for? I live in a tiny terrace house in the middle of Sydney. I've never even seen a thatched roof. No wonder she got it cheap. 

Teenagers In The Olden Days

"NO!" said Salmina, "You can't have the hookahs back. The drug squad's outside.  Get some clothes on and try not to look stoned!"

Agatha Struggles To Pay Her Taxes

"Do you have any Viagra?" 

Meanwhile...In Ancient Rome.....

"Fetch my umbrella Lydia. Julian flies like a bird but his wikileaks!" 

The Joys Of Parenthood

One of the unending joys of parenthood is watching the many amazing talents of your offspring as they emerge on the ever wondrous journey towards adulthood.  My own parents still can't believe my own late blooming as a blogger and are still heard to mutter "where the hell did he learn that?" Despite this talent I still cant see myself arriving at adulthood any time soon!
Joey was the first of my own offspring to show prodigious, and entirely unexpected, talent. Who would have thought my wife and  I could produce a member of the living dead! He was such a normal kid until we surprised him eating his sisters' brains! Joey the Zombie! He was out and he was proud! We were worried about his other siblings so we kept Ally's head and filled it with beans and, although he farts a lot, we are all quite safe. His agent is presently signing a book deal for him and there may even be a movie coming up. Isn't life just wonderful!

Soul Mates

As a couple, Mario and Maria were very close.

The Dangers Of Hitchhiking In The Olden Days

On days like this Buddy loved hitchhiking. The boys who gave him a ride seemed really friendly so when they asked him if he liked "anal" he said "yes" even though he had no idea what they were talking about. After all, why expose his small town origins and risk losing their friendship when they seemed so nice? He never thought to ask why they were in such a hurry to get to "the barn".

Flip on the Moon

Jan hated holiday shopping, she always had to park SO far away from the mall.  http://hillblocksview.blogspot.com/

Difficult Relationships

Percival soon discovered that his Mother-in-law was not to be trifled with. 

OUCH!!!

Circumcision chicken 

Australian Traditions

In Australia we have a tradition called "Casual friday." It's really cool.  Everyone is allowed to come to work in their casual clothes.

Handy Tips For Americans Coming To Australia

If you're thinking of coming to Australia it's important to know that different words mean different things here. For instance, chuck means vomit, so Chuck, when you come over, remember your name is Charley. Likewise to root means to have sex, while thongs (pictured) are the national footwear even though thong, singular, is still a tiny piece of lingerie worn by women and gay men with nice bums (buns). The important thing to remember is that thongs float and if you go to the beach in Australia you will notice piles of them in the flotsam and jetsam washed in by the tide. If you are coming by boat you will  know you are getting close to land by the huge number of floating thongs. On the beach you will notice the thongs in the piles are all of the same foot so beaches are characterized by the locals as either right thong or left thong. This is because thongs are curved so when a pair falls in the ocean they float off in opposite directions and end up on different beaches. Australians know all this so they never have to buy a pair. If they're new in town they simply go to the local pub (bar) and ask directions. So Americans, when you go in the pub and meet an Aussie it's normal to say," Gidday mate, I just broke me left thong. Can you tell me where the nearest left thong beach is please?"

More Things We Do Differently In Australia

I thought I'd write some stuff about Australia for my American readers who may not realize things are very different here. We used to have the empirical system like you guys but we got sick of it and changed to metric. Every thing's now divisible by ten. We had to throw away our old rulers and bathroom scales and buy new ones in meters and kilograms. The worst thing was changing to metric time as everyone had to throw away their watches and clocks some of which were very expensive. Now we have a ten hour day, and a ten day week, and ten months in the year, and do you know it takes exactly one metric minute to raise the temperature of one litre of metric water by one degree celsius if you apply 100 degrees celsius to it at sea level. I mean, how cool is that?

Flip's Effort

Sally gasped in horror. There was no light at the end of THIS tunnel.  http://hillblocksview.blogspot.com/ 

Genevieve Frederiksen's Effort

 It was definitely a very memorable first date... 

Mike Davis's Version

Hey, listen...I'm really busy so if you two are passing the barber shop could you take this in for a trim ?