Handy Tips For Americans Coming To Australia

If you're thinking of coming to Australia it's important to know that different words mean different things here. For instance, chuck means vomit, so Chuck, when you come over, remember your name is Charley. Likewise to root means to have sex, while thongs (pictured) are the national footwear even though thong, singular, is still a tiny piece of lingerie worn by women and gay men with nice bums (buns). The important thing to remember is that thongs float and if you go to the beach in Australia you will notice piles of them in the flotsam and jetsam washed in by the tide. If you are coming by boat you will  know you are getting close to land by the huge number of floating thongs. On the beach you will notice the thongs in the piles are all of the same foot so beaches are characterized by the locals as either right thong or left thong. This is because thongs are curved so when a pair falls in the ocean they float off in opposite directions and end up on different beaches. Australians know all this so they never have to buy a pair. If they're new in town they simply go to the local pub (bar) and ask directions. So Americans, when you go in the pub and meet an Aussie it's normal to say," Gidday mate, I just broke me left thong. Can you tell me where the nearest left thong beach is please?"