The Wit Of Jennifer Mary Williams

".... and God...... Will you hurry up with the cat food?" 

Everyday Sayings That Originated In The Bible

"What's the matter Daniel?" said almighty God, "Cat got your tongue?" 

In The Age Of Chivalry

 ‎"Oh my God! It's Galahad and he's killed Sir Frederick!" thought Gertrude horrified. "Hasn't he seen 'likes bondage' on my blogger profile?" 


Painting by Sir Frank Dicksee 1885 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Dicksee

Jane Austin's Emma Out Takes

'I lay it down as a general rule,"  Emma had said to Harriet some months previously," that if a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. If she can hesitate as to "Yes," she ought to say "No" directly.'"

 She was most sure of this  at the time and definitely had no intentions towards Mr Knightly whom she considered a total dork. How was she to know then the intense erotic pleasure of the Knightly anal probe and the delightful ecstasy when he dubbed her the very pinnacle of probing delight.

"I've probed more than a thousand girls on this planet and never has woman's a rectum captivated me so!" said Knightly, unperturbed that his friends where heading back to the home galaxy without him.

High On Cherub Spray

"I want those f'ing cherubs gone before Joe gets home!" said Mary thinking this was the guy from the exterminator's, "And what is that stuff you're on? Is it poisonous? ARE YOU HIGH?" 
"You shall conceive a son!" said Gabriel from his cloud, "And you shall call him Jesus!"
"Oh right! And what's Joe going to think about this? You do know he's impotent? If you want to help out, just spray the f'ing cherubs and give Joe a hard on!"
"And another thing,"said Gabriel,"this isn't Cherub spray. It's a cloud. It gets me much higher than this!"

Grant Hayes Uncommon History

Vernon Leadbeater's patented ABDOMINA Sole Stitcher (ASS). Leadbeater's ingenuity turned gastro-intestinal infection to good use, harnessing gut spasms to power a loom that could stitch as many as 40 boot soles per hour. The key component of the device was an antimony disc charged with heptic orthophranes. The military applications of the ABDOMINA were clearly evident, but a lucrative contract with the US Army was compromised when the Bolivian plantation whence Leadbeater sourced his orthophranes was destroyed in the Guano War (1879-83). Leadbeater was unable to obtain orthophranes of the required purity from elsewhere, and his army contract foundered amid a storm of recrimination. Leadbeater died a year later, a broken man in Hoboken NJ. 

(by the one and only Grant Hayes)

Way Ahead of Their Time The Mowhawks Create the USB

"Is this the USA?" said the Pilgrim fathers, "We're here to found a colony."
"The USA?" replied Squanto "Isn't that next to the USB?"