Bits They Left Out Of The Bible- Jesus Tries To Invent The Birthday Cake

And suddenly, with a mighty roar, the heavens were rent asunder and the good Saint John did but tremble beneath the firmament. The Lord Jesus appeared resplendent, to shew unto his servant things which must shortly come to pass.
And verily doth he say,"Blessed be he that eateth of this birthday cake, (please write this down. This is really cool. Just because I'm dead it doesn't mean I can't say cool stuff.) For the time is at hand when all men shall have their cake and eat it too. For verily doth I say, 'may all men get a cake with candles to celebrate the day of their birth from this day forth!'"
Sadly, John was struck agast and wrote some other rubbish, leaving mankind to suffer the nonsense of his scribbling for two thousand years...