Welcome Earthlings and Others

Welcome to my blog. The text on this blog is original so please don't borrow it without asking me or adding an acknowledgement as to the source. Please, please, please, click the share buttons on anything as often as you like. Please, please, please leave a comment or become a follower. If you can think of an alternative caption leave it as a comment and, if I like it enough, I'll post it with a backlink to your blog. Enjoy.


Saturday, 18 February 2012

Rogers' Todger



‎"I haven't seen your eagle honey, I swear." said Rojer surreptitiously pushing the offending raptor under the bed with his feet, "Your peacock is just behind you though."
"I want Sybil," yelled Cheryl distraught, "And she's not an 'eagle'. She's a condor.  Oh why do you hate her so?"
"I don't hate
her." replied Rojer, "I just don't like her witnessing our nuptials. It's those beady eyes. They make me feel a tad guilty or something.... like I'm betraying her. I know it sounds silly.... but I think your pet eagle has a crush on me and she's jealous!" 
"HA! Is that why I found an egg up your passage?"retorted Cheryl accusingly. 
"Hardy haha!" said Roger."You know it was hard-boiled! That was part of my anal insertion diet. You digest food much more thoroughly up there though it's a tad slow. Remember the carrot? That took six weeks. Do you want me to look buff or don't you?" 
"Oh don't be a duffer!" chirped Cheryl, " Whip out your todger and just rojer me will you!"
He loved it when she talked dirty but there was one thing he had never disclosed to her though he wasn't one to keep secrets. Shortly after their wedding Cheryl had been called away suddenly and Rojer had been left at home to tend to her boudoir menagerie. He fed the cougar and the armadillo, watered the reptiles and the birds,  and prepared to retire for the night, Cheryl-less, surrounded by glistening eyes and comforting squarks. 
"How would Cheryl get to sleep without all her friends?" he thought, pulling his pajamas from beneath a slumbering ocelot, picking a nob of decaying bird shit from his navel and crawling into bed next to the recumbent salamander.
   Sadly, however, he'd forgotten to feed Sybil her live lizards and the poor raptor was still hungry. Was it her fault, I ask you, that she should intrude on Cheryl's territory (where condors fear to tread), mistaking poor Rojers' engorged tumescence for a tasty morsel, in the wee small hours?

Rojer had awoken with a start midway through this nocturnal emission. He'd yelled "HELP SUCCUBUS!" at the top of his voice, and ran hither and thither  clutching for dear life to his blood soaked nether regions. Finally he spotted  Sybil, her very maw stained red with the blood of his forefathers, her feathers stained with the precious seed which until now had been the sole preserve of his darling Cheryl. 
"HASN'T ANYBODY TOLD YOU NOT TO USE YOUR BEAK!" he shrieked, momentarily unaware that her true purpose had been to satiate a gnawing hunger that he himself had precipitated. When it did dawn on him the horror continued  unabated. The vivid and recurring image of a replete raptor, returning to the nest to regurgitate his precious member for the nourishment of  her squarking chicks was so persistent it haunted him mercilessly and it was getting harder and harder for him to perform with his beloved Cheryl when Sybil was in the room. 
This was the reason he was forced to banish Sybil to exile under the nuptial bed. He wasn't to know then that, with time, the horror would abate and be replaced by delightful raptor erotic fantasies.  Sybil learnt not to use her beak and would serve as his fluffer for the remainder of he and Cheryl's time together. Eventually the mere sight of feathers was sufficient to facilitate his rampant arousal and Cheryl had to banish the feather pillows her grandmother had given her which he continually sullied. Perhaps wisely, he never did tell Cheryl. Why let an accidental blow job spoil things irreparably...?
























Reactions:

8 comments:

  1. This picture is obviously for the birds.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a peacock and this is an Eagle. And here we have a lovely pair of North American Boobies.


    Boo. hiss.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did. It was funny and convoluted and bizarre.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks flip. I was a little concerned that the anal insertion diet may be too much for some readers

      Delete
  4. Oh I loved this!

    Greg, you are a master storyteller of the ancient.

    Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...