Welcome Earthlings and Others

Welcome to my blog. The text on this blog is original so please don't borrow it without asking me or adding an acknowledgement as to the source. Please, please, please, click the share buttons on anything as often as you like. Please, please, please leave a comment or become a follower. If you can think of an alternative caption leave it as a comment and, if I like it enough, I'll post it with a backlink to your blog. Enjoy.


Saturday, 3 December 2011

Teenagers In The Olden Days

"NO!" said Salmina, "You can't have the hookahs back. The drug squad's outside.  Get some clothes on and try not to look stoned!"

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In Ancient Rome With My Friend John Dudelsackpfeifer Varney


‎"Little bugger stole the last Tim-Tam!!" 

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Roderick Gets A Pleasant Surprise


Despite his initial misgivings, Roderick quite enjoyed his daughter's fairy party.

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Agatha Struggles To Pay Her Taxes


"Do you have any Viagra?" 

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At The Slave Market In Ancient Rome


"I know she doesn't have any pubes. It's the latest thing. It's called a Brazilian." 

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Friday, 2 December 2011

Meanwhile...In Ancient Rome.....


"Fetch my umbrella Lydia. Julian flies like a bird but his wikileaks!" 

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A Surprise In The Maternity Ward


Josephine wondered if she could sue the sperm bank. 

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The Joys Of Parenthood


One of the unending joys of parenthood is watching the many amazing talents of your offspring as they emerge on the ever wondrous journey towards adulthood.  My own parents still can't believe my own late blooming as a blogger and are still heard to mutter "where the hell did he learn that?" Despite this talent I still cant see myself arriving at adulthood any time soon!
Joey was the first of my own offspring to show prodigious, and entirely unexpected, talent. Who would have thought my wife and  I could produce a member of the living dead! He was such a normal kid until we surprised him eating his sisters' brains! Joey the Zombie! He was out and he was proud! We were worried about his other siblings so we kept Ally's head and filled it with beans and, although he farts a lot, we are all quite safe. His agent is presently signing a book deal for him and there may even be a movie coming up. Isn't life just wonderful!

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Once Upon A Time In Deepest Darkest Africa


Dr Archbold Lewis was a famous nineteenth century anthropologist from St Louis who made his name with his landmark dissertation titled  "The Great Swahili Zebra Races. A Ritual Central To A Young Warrior's Rise To Manhood".  He made a small fortune on  the US lecture circuit with his tales of daring do on the dark continent and his claim that the primary mode of transport for the inhabitants was the domesticated zebra. In reality though, he had never been abroad and his stories had originated from a young Slave girl he'd had a crush on during a holiday in the deep south in 1835. Here we see Lewis on his one and only trip to Africa at the age of 65, attempting to get photographic evidence to bolster his standing within the academic community.

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TITANIC EXCLUSIVE. STRANGE NEW PHOTO REVEALED. SEE IT FIRST ON GREG SCOTT'S COMPENDIUM


Who was the first to discover the wreck? Were there more survivors than previously thought? This strange new photo, retrieved on a recent salvage operation, opens up a whole new area of enquiry. Did many survive in an air pocket and did this diver discover them? If so, why weren't they rescued? How was this kept a secret for one hundred years? Did he ever return to the surface or did he stay and sire a child as this women's diary suggests?  Take this entry from April 14, 1913.
"It's been a year now and all the men bore me. Some are handsome enough but on the whole they are just too quick.  To my delight though, Diver Dan dropped in from nowhere and he is just the kind of man about which one continually dreams!  He is dashing and heroic and I desperately want to have his baby. He's my little secret and I've forbidden him from mixing with the others as he doesn't possess the appropriate attire."
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Thursday, 1 December 2011

Don't Do Drugs


Few table tennis aficionado's realize the 1966 world championship in Helsinki was cancelled when a group of visiting drug crazed hippies from San Francisco stole all the ping pong balls. When asked for an explanation Freddy "flower child' Fredrickson replied,"Well Daddio, love. peace, man, make love not war, digg it! duuuude! You don't think we came all this way just to drop acid and listen to the Gratefull Dead on head phones DO YOU? ....   The acid here rocks MAAAN! We dropped a trip when we got here man, and it gave us the munchies so we used our real eyeballs to make soup. You don't expect us to come all this way and not see anything, do you?"

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Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Institutional Bullying In The Olden Days


Even the raven could see that, with his deformity, there was no possible way that young Hardbottom could wear the school boater. Being sent once more to the Principle's office was tantamount to bullying and most unfair. The house master should know better!  It did however, turn out to be a blessing in disguise as, perhaps ironically, it was this injustice that led Jack to study law at Oxford and eventually to lock horns with some of the most accomplished legal minds in the British Isles. Horny Hardbottom of the Old Baily was a force to be reckoned with, and a master of jurisprudence, until fate intervened in the form of a mating ritual with an up and coming young stag that went tragically wrong in 1926.

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Inviting Grandpa For Supper


The cool thing about inviting Grandpa for supper was not having to wear any clothes.

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Sex advice To Young Women In The Olden Days


NEVER agree to a three-way with Gerald "Hooter Shooter" Harvey.
 

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Monday, 28 November 2011

Soul Mates


As a couple, Mario and Maria were very close.

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