Welcome Earthlings and Others

Welcome to my blog. The text on this blog is original so please don't borrow it without asking me or adding an acknowledgement as to the source. Please, please, please, click the share buttons on anything as often as you like. Please, please, please leave a comment or become a follower. If you can think of an alternative caption leave it as a comment and, if I like it enough, I'll post it with a backlink to your blog. Enjoy.


Friday, 25 November 2011

The Dangers Of Hitchhiking In The Olden Days


On days like this Buddy loved hitchhiking. The boys who gave him a ride seemed really friendly so when they asked him if he liked "anal" he said "yes" even though he had no idea what they were talking about. After all, why expose his small town origins and risk losing their friendship when they seemed so nice? He never thought to ask why they were in such a hurry to get to "the barn".

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Flip on the Moon

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Dr Finklestien's Strange Acrophobia Cure

,

Herbert was dressed like a fly, and thinking like a fly, and was even finding himself strangely attracted to human faeces, but there was no way he could bring himself to jump. 
"You must assume the very mind and habits of the fly." The good Doctor had repeatedly implored, "Have you ever seen a fly that is scared of heights?" 
"Well....." Thought Herbert. "There's always a first...."
His fear was desperately debilitating. How on earth was he to have conjugal relations with the delightful Geraldine if he was unable to climb up to the bed, and what would she be thinking? That he was actually afraid of the succulent fullness of her naked form? It was either jump now or remain a virgin forever!
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Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Fun At School In The Olden Days


Despite the unexpected death of two of the girls, Sister Boniface's calculus class  was lots of fun!

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Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Aluminum Foil Hat on The Moon


I told you there was no way they'd deliver in thirty minutes or less.
http://aluminumfoilhatsociety.com/

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Real Proof At Last


 This proves it! This photo is conclusive evidence that Photoshop really works.... 
(from my friend Martin Buckingham)


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Gay Sex In The Olden Days


In our enlightened modern age, it's hard to believe that sex acts between two consenting men were once  frowned upon and were actually against the law. In Victorian times however,  gay men noticed that male monkeys could do whatever the hell they liked, and so men wishing to liaise would dress as monkeys and couple with impunity. Thus, in the 1880's it was not uncommon to see male monkeys walking  the high street arm in arm, perhaps carrying a parasol or walking the dog. It was also common to witness a pairs of coupling monkeys while picnicking with the family on sunday afternoon in any one of London's many parks. No one batted an eyelid. People merely enjoyed the spectacle and threw the occasional peanut.
 

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Monday, 21 November 2011

More Relationship Difficulties


The sod was barely settled on poor, dear Alfred's grave when Marietta had her eye out for husband number six. This time, she swore, the gloves would NEVER, under any circumstances, come off. 

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Difficult Relationships


Percival soon discovered that his Mother-in-law was not to be trifled with. 

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A Spoiled Picnic


Sadly,
Grandma was never going to approve of Harold's intimate liaisons. 

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Sunday, 20 November 2011

Meanwhile, in a War Far From Home...


" Herr Commandant. I got you a pussy. Do you shtill vant me to bend over?"
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Unkind Encounters


"OMG! YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUTA ME," said Phillis, scattering cards far and wide, "And must you play that wretched horn night and day? These earplugs I must wear are most unbecoming!"
"Forgive me my child," said Chopin's ghost patting Phillis on the back by way of reassurance.
"Grandma says if your so damn horny you probably want my pussy, so here it is!"
"Alas my child, t'was pussy of another kind that led me down this tormented path," came the remorseful tone, "The pussy of a girl called George......What kind of benevolent God condemns a musician of my exalted esteem, to haunt the cold and musty halls of eternity with nothing but a mournful honker as a friend? If you want to help, please, please, PLEASE buy me a piano!"
"GET STUFFED!" replied Phillis, perhaps unwisely.

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