Bits They Left Out Of The Bible. The Gospel Of Gerald Volume 2

Jesus was such such a pain to take fishing but after losing the frisbee he promised Peter that if he would take him, he'd help him find some fish.
"Throw your net over this side" Jesus said and sure enough Peter's net was full.
"Fat lot of good this is going to do me!" thought Peter belligerently, "Yesterday he fed 5,000 people with five fish. If this dude keeps making fish out of thin air the price of fish will plummet and these will be worth nothing. I bet he'll open his own fish and chip shop and put us out of business!"
Jesus was on his feet by this time and was bragging about the size of the fish he'd caught last time which Peter hated. 
"It was this big!" said Jesus.
"OH yeah," thought Peter. They had a net full of fish and Jesus wasn't even helping and anyway, Peter was sick of the sight of his weird glowing head.
"Take a walk big guy." He yelled in attempt to shut him up. Strangely, Jesus did, giving an 'up yours' two fingered salute as he left."Follow me and ye will be fishers of men."
"Who want's to eat men?" thought Peter defiantly."If I follow you I'll need a life guard and CPR!"

Bits They Left Out Of The Bible. The Gospel Of Gerald Volume 1

We had a great party thanks to our mate Jesus. We only had seven little loaves and a few fishes but he managed to feed all 5,000 of us. His best trick though, was when he turned water into wine and we all got so totally plastered that nobody cared when he lost the frisbee. At least we thought so.

Jesus went to look again when Peter said, "He fed 5,000 with six fishes and a few loaves. Why couldn't he have made 5,000 frisbees before loosing our only one?'
"I agree!" said Judas with a sly grin. "He has already betrayed us!"
To be continued....