Welcome Earthlings and Others

Welcome to my blog. The text on this blog is original so please don't borrow it without asking me or adding an acknowledgement as to the source. Please, please, please, click the share buttons on anything as often as you like. Please, please, please leave a comment or become a follower. If you can think of an alternative caption leave it as a comment and, if I like it enough, I'll post it with a backlink to your blog. Enjoy.

Saturday, 5 November 2011

Jane Austen Out Takes 2 (Kate Warren's version)

 Jane's editor insisted she cut this bit too


Mike Davis's Version

Oh crap! I forgot my spear.

Get the print herehttp://www.donatoart.com/faramir.html


Ancient Facebook Wars

"Cyrus the Great "friended" Darius the Great on Facebook. Then Darius posted a fun status saying "Hey Cyrus. How can we all be the Great? Why don't you change your profile to Cyrus the Magnificent? So he did , but then Darius decided he wanted to be "The Magnificent" too, and why shouldn't he because he thought of it?  Anyway, the upshot of it was they  "unfriended" each other and now we're fighting this useless bloody war, I just hope I don't get dints in my new Armani armour!"


Fun At St Pat's

 At St Pats, the senior girls dormitory was where it all happened! 


Ahmed's Nuts

Ahmed was a little miffed. If this was paradise why was he chained to a rock? He could see the seventy two virgins lining up but some of them had babies so he felt he was being ripped off with single mothers. There where also some weird dudes who appeared to have come, perhaps as paying guests, just to watch. The worst thing of all was the first virgin was a vulture that picked at his nuts causing his tumescence to quickly subside. Oh why had he joined the Taliban? 


Friday, 4 November 2011

Jane Austen Out Takes

Jane's editor decided to cut this bit.


Matthew Said it Was A Donkey

Jesus was the big guys son. He could ride into town on whatever he liked. 




Simon Whittaker's Version

It's not "JUST a cold" Eve. It's a MAN cold! 



‎"How do you think I feel Mars?" Said Venus. "You're off playing soldiers while I'm at home with them 24/7. I can't even take them shopping. Last time in Woolworths they wrecked the place and it cost a small fortune. How am I supposed to explain why my boys have all got furry legs, hooves and horns?" 
Harold was beginning to get the message. On todays picnic, sex just wasn't going to happen.

Thursday, 3 November 2011



Sex In The Olden Days

In the olden days sex was never talked about so many young people were terribly confused. Young Thomas here knew all about sperm, he just didn't quite know where to put it. 


Wednesday, 2 November 2011

The Wrong Kind Of Head Job

The girls weren't as ready for a three-way as Gerald had surmised.


Tuesday, 1 November 2011

The Battle of Thermopylae

Leonidas!  Xerxes! Stop fighting and I'll buy you both trousers.


Monday, 31 October 2011

Nutless Rusty

After getting hit in the face by one of Mae's '59-Cadillac-bumperette-breasts, Rusty told her from the floor "- doesn't matter how much pressure you put on him, gorgeous. We needed a soprano for the County Sheriff Choir, and Bill, here, went and got himself castrated to oblige. The only rod you're gonna see around his drawers is the one in his holster!"


Christmas Cheer

Oh come, all ye faithful! 


Sister Alice

Sister Alice was a very conservative young nun who would sleep fully dressed for fear of sleepwalking. One night though, she came frighteningly close to wearing a mini. 


My School Days

All the boys loved our maths teacher, Mrs Finklestein. We all loved being disciplined by her after school and would take it in turns to muck up. Douggie Hinklegruber even claimed he got to play 'hide the sausage' with her . When we heard this we were so excited we all went beserk in the hope of being kept back after school. One boy dropped his pants and bent over right in the classroom only to have her whip somehow connect with his nuts which led to a life time of infertility and a high squeaky voice that could kill cockroaches. He said it was worth it though.


Sunday, 30 October 2011

Performance Anxiety

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