Welcome Earthlings and Others

Welcome to my blog. The text on this blog is original so please don't borrow it without asking me or adding an acknowledgement as to the source. Please, please, please, click the share buttons on anything as often as you like. Please, please, please leave a comment or become a follower. If you can think of an alternative caption leave it as a comment and, if I like it enough, I'll post it with a backlink to your blog. Enjoy.


Friday, 16 December 2011

Revenge Is A Little Too Sweat.


Lucinda was very upset at Eric's continued infidelities though tonight the  feelings of excitement and  shear joy at his imminent return were a little hard to contain.

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Olden Day Barriers To Entry In A Male Dominated Workforce

As the brass section was traditionally men only, Marjory and Ethyl's audition required they submit to a small degree of humiliation.

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Thursday, 15 December 2011

Turning Points In History


Few people alive today are aware of the heroic efforts of a farmer from Middlesex named Bert Hutchinson which proved to be the turning point of the Second World War. One day, Bert was wondering what he could do to help with the war effort when he decided to steal Hitler's pig. 


When news got out Mussolini thought it hilarious which made Hitler really angry. He was so mad he invaded Russia  and lost the war.

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North Africa 1944


One thing the boys looked forward to was "camel toe" inspection. 

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Our Commander Makes The New Girls Feel Welcome


"At ease Ladies," Said Commander Hamilton with a degree of panache," You're all welcome to come round to my quarters after dinner for a tipple....... If you've got nothing on that is... "

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Dinosaur Porn. A senior School Film Project.


"Of course you have to be naked, it's dinosaur porn! It's a whole new genre I've created. Think Debbie Does Dallas meets Jurassic Park. In fact it's called 'Dinosaurs Do Debbie.'"

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Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Exclusive To Greg Scott's Compendium. Lieutenant Hancock's Amazing Masturbation Cure


Lieutanant Hancock's controversial masturbation cure in action. Here he manages to not masturbate for a full twenty minutes!

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Famous Irish Nude Photography From The Olden Days


On hearing that nude photography was all the rage on the continent, Seamus Finnigan decided to devote his life to this august profession in 1890's Dublin . He developed his own unique style, taking literally thousands of photo's over the next twenty five years. During his entire career he never wore a stitch until he finally succumbed to pneumonia in 1923 while doing a stint as the chief photographer on a British polar expedition. 


His great great great grandson, also called 
Seamus Finnigan, continues the family tradition in Dublin to this very day.
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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Care Instructions For Your Genuine African Elephant.


Thank you for purchasing you genuine African elephant. Your  elephant is a delightful creature and a wonderful companion for even the most boisterous of families! Not only will your elephant provide a year round supply of nutritious manure that roses love, but it is in possession of a memory that puts us poor humans to shame. Never forget your wife's  birthday or family anniversaries again and all for tiny cost of several tons per week of garden clippings that were headed for land fill anyway! In terms of care instructions there are two things you must always remember.

1/  Always keep your genuine African elephant in the living room where no one will ever see it. 
 

2/  Your genuine African elephant is meant to be wrinkly. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES iron your elephant. The elephant pictured escaped through a faulty living room door seal. How were the men who found him meant to know he was some poor families' beloved pet? Sadly, they cut him up to make 998 pairs of moccasins, put on fake war paint to impersonate native americans, and sold them to unsuspecting tourists on the local reservation. Elephant moccasins are now all the rage and the very survival of the species is threatened, all because of a few wrinkles!


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Monday, 12 December 2011

Saving Up For What's Really Important


For Ethyl, owning a new bicycle was far more important than buying clothes. 

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Just Hanging Out


Gerald always answered his cell phone unless otherwise indisposed. 

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Father Discovers The "Fountain Of Youth"


The bombers were overhead and we really didn't know whether we would survive this time. Mum and us kids were verging on hysterical.
"What can we do Father! We don't want to die!" we yelled in despair."HELP!"
"Well," said Dad, cool as a cucumber, "Where's my bucket list?" he scrabbled around and found a notebook under the bed, "It says here I've always wanted to learn the hula hoop. Who'll have a go with me?"
We were, of course, delighted so we grabbed our hoops and rushed off to the park.

 To this day hula hooping is a massive adrenalin rush for us all and a must for family gatherings. Father is 96 and has just published a book citing extreme hula hooping as the much sort after "fountain of youth."

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Sunday, 11 December 2011

Adult Sexual Literacy Being Taught To The Wehrmacht


‎"You see Heinrich," Said Gustave,"I told you that's how it's done. Pants off now! Your turn next!

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Chuck Buy's A Horse.


" I know he looks dead." Said the used horse salesman."But a reckons he's into fakin' it sum. Yo'all jus' take him to that tha' hill yonder where there's grass. When he gets hungered he'll put to eatin'. Ever' thang 'll be just dandy, you'll see. Yes sir ee! That tha' horse is as mighty fine a specimen as ever I did see!"

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Grandma's Accident


"GRANDMA! HAVE YOU GOT YOUR INCONTINENCE PANTS ON?" 

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