Welcome Earthlings and Others

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Saturday, 12 November 2011

An Afternoon With Jane Austen's Editor.

"How is Miss Austen's latest novel going Mr Smithers?" asked Miss Sullivan with a wry smile. "Shall you allow me to read it ? Is it simply spiffing?"
"Rather!" replied Smithers , his organ adjusting itself in his breeches like a restless marsupial. "Though rather too saucy for our readership I fear. Do you know? I was reading it upon retirement last evening and I had to get the maid to change the sheets this morning. I'm really not sure the croquet club are all together prepared for nocturnal emissions."
"Don't worry." said Miss Sullivan coquettishly, "We'll get Nanny to write it like she did all the others. Make sure you give me the real copy though. We'll sell it to the adult channel on Foxtel."


Dancing The Twist in The Sixties.

Although human cloning has been largely abandoned as a procedure for ethical reasons in the present day, few people realize it was once common place. Here, Marsha and Jimmy, blitz a dance competition by appearing with five tiny identical couples, cloned from their very own toenails. At the end of the evening, clones such as these were disposed of by simply flushing them away down the nearest public convenience with nary a whimper from societies do-gooders.


In Love With The BIG Guys.

Tabitha had to admit it. She was totally turned on by ENORMOUS men.


The Power Of Prayer

Sometimes Darryl's prayers were answered so quickly he would   kick himself in the head to make sure he wasn't dreaming 


Another Party

Reginald was so embarrassed! The party was fancy dress and he'd completely forgotten to dress up! 


An Otherwise Boring Party

Ivana had prepared herself for yet another boring family gathering when suddenly she had an idea. She found six donuts and managed to get her brothers to take turns as the "Stake" for a game of quoits.  Here, to the astonishment of her uncles and aunts, Ivana scores a six with brother Eric, and learns something new about his anatomy to boot!


Friday, 11 November 2011

Strange Tales

The boys thought they were the first until the Captain found what looked to be an ordinary, garden variety, fortune cookie. A fortune cookie on Mars? How on earth did it get there? It just didn't make sense. When he cracked it open his fortune was more than a little alarming! 

There wasn't just one alien. There were three! 

"OMG ALIENS!" yelled the aliens, running in fear from our intrepid team.


Thursday, 10 November 2011

Blow Job, Simon Whittacker's Fault

Darryl was asked if he'd be interested in a blow job in the ladies bathroom. 


Jane Austen Out takes 3

Content in the belief that she had saved Harriet from a life of drudgery as the wife of the farmer, Mr. Martin , Emma drifted into a blissful and contented sleep. Harriet could barely contain a wry smile as she pretended to read while Mr Martin, hidden beneath her voluminous skirts, pleasured her love button with the skillful tongue acquired through a lifetime spent in animal husbandry. Unbeknownst to both Harriet and Martin was the preacher, Mr Knightly who, under Emma's voluminous skirts and having not the slightest clue as to the delights of the female anatomy, was paralytically and silently praying for any help he could get.

(Jane's editor thought this a bit uncalled for)


Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Great Product

This Works

I tried it on this photo. 


Internet Dating Fail

Until she met Fredrick Jemima thought she was open minded.


Monday, 7 November 2011

Other World Tips For Your Traveling Sales Team

Appropriate attire may make the difference between closing a deal and going hungry.  Saleswoman of the year, Ethyl Merriman, makes no wardrobe errors when selling air conditioning to the folks down in hell.
(From an idea by Larry Cooperman)



Occupy Wall Street

"I think they want beer Ethyl." 


Entertainment Fail. Cecil and Mabel go to the Wrong Address

They didn't seem to be enjoying the performance so Cecil and Mabel switched to doing it "doggy style." 


Sunday, 6 November 2011

Jesus Public Relations Fail

The first time Jesus rode into Jerusalem no one turned up. Even the apostles were too embarrassed so an emergency meeting was called.                                                                                    
‎"Where were you guys?"said Jesus angrily. "And where were the dudes with the palm fronds?"
 "Just take a look at yourself." Retorted Peter, "Where on Earth did you get that outfit? Babylon?"
    The following sunday, Jesus went back to his everyday, one-size-fits-all, sack cloth grunge wear and Palm Sunday was born. Jesus was, however, ahead of his time, preceding twentieth century super heros by nearly two thousand years! 


Once more, Spiderman Prevails!


Finally spiderman apprehended the evil culprit. Alas Mabel Johnson's virtue was no more, deflowered so cruelly by an ass of easy virtue while still in her prime. At last the  maidens, most fair and pure, of our illustrious shire could live in peace! Mighty Spiderman, you're a hero!
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