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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Care Instructions For Your Genuine African Elephant.

Thank you for purchasing you genuine African elephant. Your  elephant is a delightful creature and a wonderful companion for even the most boisterous of families! Not only will your elephant provide a year round supply of nutritious manure that roses love, but it is in possession of a memory that puts us poor humans to shame. Never forget your wife's  birthday or family anniversaries again and all for tiny cost of several tons per week of garden clippings that were headed for land fill anyway! In terms of care instructions there are two things you must always remember.

1/  Always keep your genuine African elephant in the living room where no one will ever see it. 

2/  Your genuine African elephant is meant to be wrinkly. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES iron your elephant. The elephant pictured escaped through a faulty living room door seal. How were the men who found him meant to know he was some poor families' beloved pet? Sadly, they cut him up to make 998 pairs of moccasins, put on fake war paint to impersonate native americans, and sold them to unsuspecting tourists on the local reservation. Elephant moccasins are now all the rage and the very survival of the species is threatened, all because of a few wrinkles!



  1. Excellent; I now know not to iron my elephant. I'm relieved, because I just wasn't sure how to get him to lay down on the ironing board.

  2. Haha. There seems to be something wrong grammatically with this one. Can't quite work it out though.


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